Unforgettable Thanksgiving….

Why? 

It was definitely not facebook worthy….most of it came out of a box or package this year.  The plates didn’t match, the cups were plastic, the napkins were two different colors …but oh what I have learned is what I will remember.  

I scrolled through my facebook friends and their Thanksgivings.  I am thankful that I have these pictures to look at.  How do they make me feel?  Hmmm…..not envious.  I looked at the pictures with a smile.  Why?  I am content.  This was my number one priority for the holidays and the Lord blessed me with a feeling of contentment.  I smiled with a genuine feeling of gladness for each one of the people in those pictures: friends, former students, family…   I was truly happy that they enjoyed some good times, making memories, eating good food and celebrating.  Maybe because this year has been filled with with so much sorrow, loss, darkness….we needed a moment to remember and I felt love for these people looking back at me from the screen. 

Unconventional “things I’m grateful for”:

I woke up at a time that I wanted to. ✔️

I took my time to read and study God’s word. ✔️

I had a great cup of coffee. ✔️

Firstborn was at work–he has a job.✔️

Middle child was home–all day✔️

Youngest home after a short trip to Disney–

       great friends that I trust with a little piece of my heart.✔️

A husband that is trying.✔️

I talked and listened to my sons, their hearts and their minds. ✔️

Maury, Tito and Tony planning a trip to Universal together. ✔️

Didn’t have to go to the grocery store–planned ahead and ordered 

      for Thanksgiving .✔️

A best friend that knows and shares my planner addiction/obsession and is

     gifting me with one✔️

The group of people that I work with–uncommonly all some of my favorite 

    people that are genuinely authentic.✔️

Community of moms–will help, take care of, or host my son and his group of buddies at any given moment. ✔️

Parents that are still around✔️

Each son gave Mom a kiss and a sweet word, Dad a hug, punch or high five when they left their house tonight. ✔️

Home movies that remind us✔️

Inside jokes that bind us✔️

Prince–loyal, obedient, good, fun and sweet✔️

Dishwashers✔️

Good reliable help for mom and dad✔️

Ping Pong table✔️

A car✔️

A computer to use to journal and reflect✔️

The picture….

Outdoor, Face-Stuffing, Three generations, Pretty Lights, Smiling Faces…well, maybe not all.

Behind the scenes….the real story.

Outdoors~Mom and Dad’s new place, answer to prayer!  4 long years of good, bad and ugly…living in our living room: some laughter, some games, some outings, many good meals…but more of: little to no privacy, conflicts, confrontations, revelations, sickness, tears.   Hard and hard. 

Face-Stuffing~Delicious Ham, no turkey, no gravy (chicken broth in disguise), stuffing not fluffy enough, sweet potato casserole left too long and the marshmallows melted and mixed within, box mashed potatoes, buttermilk biscuits, and the long-awaited cornbread casserole.  Carb Coma

Three Generations~Not sure what Holidays 2021 will look like, but I have a foreboding feeling that it will be more fragile.  So, I am beyond grateful we were able to be with Mom and Dad this year. 

Pretty Lights~Always a plus! Grateful for the nurse aides that helped Dad install and set up.  

Smiling Faces~Mom hasn’t been able to smile very well since Parkinson’s took over.  It changes the countenance in such a significant way.  In this picture, she is actually in the midst of a breakdown.  She is trying with all her might to keep it under control.  She probably won’t even remember a lot of this Thanksgiving Day.   

Dad hasn’t smiled in a picture for a few years now either.  He doesn’t even try, he has a look of distraction and pain, sometimes.  

What else is going on this picture? A fragile relationship. One that is hanging by an invisible thread. The One holding the tip of the thread is the One that will reveal the direction in which the relationship will go.  

I arrived at 6.  Mother was at the beginning of another mental breakdown.  One of the worst that I’ve witnessed.  Started the cornbread casserole, sweet potato casserole…needed a smaller baking dish and I put the marshmallows too soon.  It was a sweet mess.   Biscuits in the toaster oven, instant mashed potatoes… no turkey, no gravy (didn’t check the grocery order after my guys unloaded the bags, so…) Dad hadn’t slept all night and was at the end of his proverbial rope.  Cooking and managing this panorama is quite the task…probably why the casserole and stuffing were, meh. 

God gives me strength that I cannot explain. 

Tony and the boys arrived near 8 o’clock. Why so late?  I’d rather not remember how easily things are miscommunicated.  I’d rather move on to remember that my people ate til they busted, they repeated ‘everything is delicious’, which blesses me, the old people were content to have their grandsons there, we reminisced and watched some 2001 Orlando vacation, and 2007 Tito-time, Prince was satisfied with his own ham at the dinner table Thanksgiving treat.  

Would I post this picture on Facebook?  No, there is so much going on in this picture that I would feel compelled to give all the real details.  Do people want to read truth?  Deep down, I’m sure they do.  Do people care? Some do.  Some judge.  Some have too much truth and reality of their own and don’t want to go to that ‘place’.  Some live in la la land and can’t comprehend so much reality or truth.  …and some are comforted by truth and reality.  It makes them realize that ‘everybody’s got “shizzle” that they’ve gone through or going through.  Different shapes and forms, different degrees at different times.  

I have learned that a small Thanksgiving with a husband that is devoted to his family, a mom and dad that have taught me about family-love and sacrifice, sons that I am proud of, good food by the quiet lake with twinkle lights is all that is needed. 

When I was little, Thanksgivings were always with my parents, brothers and abuelos.  Then years passed and we had our own families.  Thanksgivings became a lot ‘larger’.  First at Mom and Dad’s, then at my house.  One year, we added my Tio Mike and my Abuela Yeya.  That was the last time I saw either of them.  My Tio Mike died from complications from Parkinson’s, and my Abuela Yeya from respiratory illness.  Dad had always made the turkey, then one year they said they were passing the baton.   One year, we had Thanksgiving at La Carreta.   Tony and I started making the turkey when we moved into The Hammocks in Deerfield Beach.  We got pretty good at it.   One year, we had the Abuelos, Mandy, Maria and family, Monica and her family.  It was big and I worked hard at the decorations, appetizers, family involvement…purposeful, efficient and memorable.  The pictures came out great, everything looked so good….It left me in awe of myself, but I didn’t receive the ooh ahh that I was looking for from my family…..that is not uncommon.  My family isn’t great at words of affirmation, which happens to be one of my top love languages. 

One year, Mom and Dad moved in with us.  We had turkey that year, David and his family sent us a Boston Market Gift Card the next year to help us out, and we went out to dinner last year.  Many of those Thanksgivings were marked with great memories and laughter, watching kids play, fight and grow up.  Many were also marked with contention, awkwardness, guilt, underlying rudeness, resentment and hurt.   

This year was just togetherness, blessing the Abuelos, putting forth effort, and understanding the challenges.  Who knows what Thanksgiving will look like next year, but I know that I will be content.  My contentment is the gift from my Savior, I have learned to be content in any state that I am in.  

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