If He holds all my tears….

…then how immense are God’s hands? When I look at the ocean in this picture, his hands are even bigger.

Tears. They flow through the tear ducts and run along my face.  It really doesn’t matter what provokes them.  They all look exactly the same and come from the same place, physically speaking.  But….tears don’t all come from the same place when I think about all the different reasons to cry.

Tears of joy:  I get a tingly, warm feeling in my core.  It almost tickles…. these tears refresh your eyes and spirit.

Tears from laughter:  These are closely related to joy.  Occurring involuntarily.  I think it’s one of God’s little gifts to us.  Your body cannot contain the emotion.  What sets off laughter, anyway?  It must start in the brain, but I feel it in my belly….

Tears of frustration: Those come almost without warning because you’ve held them back for so long….they taste hot.

Tears of sadness:  It depends….sadness for yourself comes from a different place, than sadness, or empathy for others.  I think sadness comes from a place of loss.  Mourning over something you will never get back.  These tears are heavy and painful; they come from a place that you don’t really touch often.

Tears of pain:  Physical pain…how does it help the actual pain when we cry?   Does it help release something?  It just seems to make you look like a “crybaby.”        Emotional pain…that’s different.  These kind of tears seem like they encompass your whole being….but sometimes I think that if you have endured enough emotional pain…your tears dry up.  That’s dangerous; how do you know you’re still alive?  I remember my Abuela, who I knew was very sensitive and wept easily, soon after her husband, my Abuelo passed away, asking her why she didn’t cry anymore.  She told me she was all dry…..the woman she once was passed away.  Will this happen to me, I ask?

But then, there’s God.

“You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.”  Psalm 56:8

He sees me.  He promises that “Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.” Psalm 126:5

I believe Him.  In this picture above is the ocean of my tears next to one of my songs of joy, my son, Andres.  Too many good things in my life.     But, I promise to love Him even if He was the only good thing in my life.   I pray that He breaks me and continues to make me new everyday.  My consolation is that the tears He allows, joys and sorrows, are all for my ultimate good and His glory. 

Surrounded by songs of deliverance,

Denise